a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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