I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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