I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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