Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
