so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
