She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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