What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
