I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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