do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You left your phone here
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