I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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