Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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