i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
