apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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