I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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