I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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