I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
