My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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