Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
