4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
