When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
