yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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