my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
