I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
