Midget sex pt 2 tonight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
