Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
