There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My friends, they love my intelligence
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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