I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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