At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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