That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
