So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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