capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
