When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
