And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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