He is an equal opportunity slut.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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