Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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