Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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