I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
