let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
