Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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