lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
