sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize