I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
