I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
