Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
