I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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