You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
