i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
