I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They have beer where we have blood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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