i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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