The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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