The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
