can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
