He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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