Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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