I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
