this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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