All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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