so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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