I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
