he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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