no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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