**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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