Cold hands, warm shart.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
