i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if only i could text you this smell
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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