road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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