We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
