I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
